All Alone with Nobody but You, (part 2)

I have mentioned before that I believe successfully hiking the Appalachian Trail (AT) from one end to the other is at least 50% or more a mental achievement. There are certainly other issues that can take us off the AT like an injury, friend or family issue, realizing that hiking the AT is not for you, illness, etc., but I truly believe our mind is the biggest deadfall to successfully hiking or even really enjoying the AT.

In “All Alone with Nobody but You,” (part 1), I mentioned our mind taking us to places that may be terrifyingly dark and gravely sensitive while hiking the AT.

These very intimate and intensely private issues in our life can be especially complex, extremely painful and laboriously intensive to process. It’s so understandable why we try to do everything humanly possible to avoid our heartaches thinking they are too heart-rending and even mostly insurmountable.

If our mind wasn’t so mercilessly persistent, we’d bury them in a cat hole in the wilderness of our mind forever. Far from being able to ever stumble into them again.

I shared in “part 1” some ways that hopefully inspires enough hope to be willing to open the door to The Wilderness of Despair and begin to process our heartaches in a prayerful and healthy manner. I also mentioned that in “part 2,” I would share more detail on how we could proceed after opening the door to that wilderness.  

Well, here we go…

About midnight, shortly after crossing the New Hampshire state line, I had some visitors show up at my tent. I heard them walking before they arrived. At first I was wondering “what” they were, then wondering “where” they were going at that time of night!

Low and behold, they walked right up to my tent and said, “Mr. Evans?” “Who are these people!?” I wondered, and “How do they know my name!? They can’t even see me in my tent.” (A dear friend had given them the coordinates from my personal locator beacon.) Then they introduced themselves as NH State Police. My heart immediately began to sink.

I asked them if this was about my family as I got dressed to come out. They said it was. I immediately started crying and saying “Not again, not again, Lord, not again…”  (Our son had been killed by a drunk driver prior to this.)

When I got outside, the Troopers informed me that my dad had died earlier that day of a massive heart attack.

It was a total shock. Completely unexpected.

Later in the morning I arranged for a shuttle to begin my long and painful journey to my mom’s…

I could list many other heart wrenching places my mind has taken me on the AT, but my way of processing all these dark experiences, forced transformations and emotional kidnappings are pretty much the same.

We all find ourselves sucked into The Wilderness of Despair deep within our mind at times, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” (Psalm 23:40).

One of my favorite descriptions of God that I immediately run to as I begin to search for His cool springs of encouragement through my heartache is in 2 Corinthians 1:2–4. Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

I need to daily keep foremost in my mind that my heavenly Father is my God of mercies as well as my God of all comfort.

Romans 8:28, we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose, and other similar promises are also very important to me. But the older and more trail worn I get, I need something my heart can feel and snuggle up to. More than what my mind can know and trust. I also find I need it more and more on a daily basis. That’s where Lamentations 3:22–23 comes in, Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.  Even before I reach for my cold wet socks, clothes and soaked boots to begin another day, I am embraced by the soft and warm merciful arms of my Lord reminding me that He’s going to, again, be right at my side all day long.

It is much easier for me at this point in my life to literally feel new and afresh each morning that I’m being held tightly by our heavenly Father with my head resting against the warmth and slow rhythmic breathing of His chest, tucked safely and eternally in His faithful, strong, loving and merciful arms.

I think of Christ in the same way being our beloved High Priest. Hebrews 4:14–16 – Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

God’s throne of grace has become my safe place. It is my personal, emotional and spiritual ER. The place where I can have peace that everything concerning God and His Word is true and will forever remain the same. Hebrews 13:8 – Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

The place where I can “always” feel protected and loved regardless of where I am or what I have done. Jeremiah 31:3 – The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.

The place where I can find the desire and courage to dare to reopen the door to joy and hope… yet again. Isaiah 45:2–3 – ‘I will go before you and make the crooked places straight; I will break in pieces the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the Lord, who call you by your name, Am the God of Israel.

The place where I can touch and be touched by God. Psalm 23:1, 4 – The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want… ⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 34:17–19 – The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a crushed spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. Isaiah 42:3a – A bruised reed He will not break, and smoking flax He will not quench…

The place where I am always welcome and can stay as long as I want. The place where I can once again forget those things which are behind and reach forward to those things which are ahead, and press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13–14

The place where the things that I need to know and trust, start to have their full impact on me again.  1 Corinthians 10:13 – No temptation (trial) has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

The place where I can once again not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. Galatians 6:9–10

The place where I can begin to take the steps needed to move forward and Finally, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8–9

The place where Psalm 91 becomes my reality and daily salvation, the now home of my heart and soul. Psalm 91:1–6 – He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust.” Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your shield and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

The place where I can find rivers of encouragement in order to believe each day from my heart that I can do all things (even this) through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Hiking the AT is literally accomplished by having the frame of mind to put one foot in front of the other, each day, all day long, one day after another. In-between each of those footsteps is a measure of wisdom, knowledge, understanding and discernment in when, how and where to place each of those steps along the way. We don’t know all of the particulars we are going to have to manage between those steps from one end of the day to the other, but we believe we have the inspiration and faith we need to figure it out as we go.

These Scripture passages provide the frame of mind I need to put one foot in front of the other, each day, all day long, from one day to the next in my journey though life. I’m still dealing with the separation from our son and my dad, along with other issues. But as I exercise wisdom, knowledge, understanding and discernment in when, how and where to place each step along the way, it doesn’t finally get easy, but it does get easier. I find myself less pressured by my mind as I find more peace for my soul…

God’s presence and promises provide me with the inspiration and faith I need to continue processing anything I need along the way. I pray you have or will find the same. The day is coming when we will all be able to take that last, necessary, final, victorious step.